weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
