Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
