just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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