I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
