Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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