ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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