She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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