I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
