haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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