Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
