I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What drink are we having for lunch?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
