Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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