you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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