There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
