I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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