Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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