I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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