Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
