did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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