Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
