3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
