In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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