well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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