Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
