You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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