Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
