who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
