I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
