Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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