Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
