It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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