I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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