you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
