So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
