he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
