I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Randomize
