he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
