So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
