So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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