Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We are two peas in an std pod
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
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Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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