Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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