Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
