I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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