Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
