omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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