Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
