i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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