I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
