I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
