shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
