All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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