If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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