Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
