So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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