So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
