fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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