I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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