Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
