I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
