i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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