I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
