Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
