You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the day after is always just damage control
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
