Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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