I got her a Nickelback box set.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
