take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
