oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
