strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
