Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
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So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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