Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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