i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
