I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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