I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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